So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
being pregnant is like rehab
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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