well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
