He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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