how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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