what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
