Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
