there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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