They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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