tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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