Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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