Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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