I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
