How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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