Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
