I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ttyl tear gas
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
