I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
