The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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