fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
