I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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