what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just found puke in my bra..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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