you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
