Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
