If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
