just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
