I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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