I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
