I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
