She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Be still, my beating vagina.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
