God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My bed smells like the plague
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
