"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
