.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
