I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
