id be glad to
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
