i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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