i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
