When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
