oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
