I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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