Don't make out with my wife yet
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
