I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
