you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
