No stitches, just platelets and will power
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
