the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
