I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
3pm strippers are depressing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
