it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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