I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
