Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
