I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
