3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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