I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
