so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
